At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
