I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Alive.
So much puke
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
