rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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