She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Less talking, more tequila
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
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Do I have a choice?
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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