Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
