I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
