I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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