dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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