I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
