trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
