and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
