4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
