Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
