something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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