I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
