Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
