We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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