Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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