I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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