i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
