i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
