it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
not ubering you a puppy
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the raccoons are back...
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