First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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