if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
