does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
