I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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