sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
