dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
