I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was like eating out sand paper
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
