Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
