Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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