Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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