had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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