Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
