I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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