the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
