if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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