Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
