I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
