I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
