at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
