If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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