i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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