Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
