He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
