I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
