I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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