That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
