I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
