They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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