Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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