Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
