nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
